(sigh)

So much drama escalating in these recent days... Here closes out spring break, and it has been filled with...so much...problems...so much....trouble..

I figured Spring Break would be a nice relaxation from my usual hectic life filled with craziness and nuisances. I could just rest adaquetely and do what needs to be done. Who knew things would turn out the way they did? One problem after another presents itself. Within the group drama reveals its ugly nature. After the whole dilemma with Thao I didn't figure this would happen again. One friend with a conflict to another, and I have to put things in perspective. I don't know what to say at times, I'm stumped. I only hope they'll put aside their differences and get along for this is nothing to throw away a friendship for.

Then there is my own discord with a certain person trying to invade upon our circle. I'm not exactly sure why I respond the way I do, yet here I am. I suppose I feel threatened by this, but if things are truly fine, I have nothing to worry about. I could come off as brash and rude, but it I have my reasons. I just am not quite fond of the bickering and baby-attitude. Don't look to us for a mother. I have enough trouble with my own, this issue isn't needed. And speaking through someone else is a bitch move. You're not that bad, but don't push it. I can and will handle this shit if I feel the need to.

Words don't seem to be enough at times. Actions speak louder? True, but what should I do? Break out the pizza slicer?

Let's leave this entry on a good note... I got my car!!!! Yay me! I can go anywhere I want without having constrictions set on me. It still hasn't hit me, the shock I get to find out I'm growing up. I bet when it does it'll hit hard. The car isn't so bad. I'll get used to it after a while. Lots of things need to be done to it. Thank you Chị Hai, I do appreciate it. Please know I am grateful for you. I do love it. Sure it has its problems, but it's all mine. I'm still not satisfied yet though. I never will be. Merely one step after the other. There is this Acura I'm scoping out. Within 3-4 years, oh yeah..

-forever hp

ps...did you celebrate earth hour by turning off your lights? don't worry, me neither, though it is a nice thought.

Pick It Up, Clock!!!

So here I am in front of my computer 1:42 AM, Sunday, March 23, 2008 waiting for something that has been eluded from my grasp for.....about 18 years....my own car....

I'm so excited!!!! OMG, the plan is to go to Baton Rouge Friday night and drive back to Lake Charles Saturday morning so my dad can go take a greyhound to Houston to f**k his gf...wutever...

The only damn thing I know about the car is that it's a white '99 Toyota 4runner. Why my sister would pay about 5 grand for a car she knows nothing about is beyond me...I just can't wait to get it though! Sure, I know what I initially said.."Nothing to expect, nothing to lose"...well to hell with that!! Countdown! 6 days that divide me from my joy in life....

here i come

So here I stand, (sit) eighteen years old preparing to attend class that I wish not to. Do I feel different? No. Nothing better, nothing worse. What have my accomplishments been? What will they be? I have no idea. I'm scared. Really. I have no idea what to do. But something must be done, I know that. Step by step I'll figure something out. I always do. If I fall, I'll still be able to get up. It may take some time, but slow and steady wins the race. Ok, off to class. More later.

-hp

newly old

Bay gio thao da than 18 tuoi...co khat ke di khong? Khong.

예이 한국어

이것은 필요 없어. 어떻게 내가 원하는 것인가? 다시 시도해 수 있습니까? 제발?

이 같은 학교가 최근에 나에게 흐리게합니다. 나는 걸어다니는 이와 같은 연무합니다. 나는가되고 싶다는 생각이 없다. 말해 줄래? 제발? 나는 휴식이 필요합니다. 시간에 일시 중지합니다. 마감일과 배설물도없이 진정으로 나를 괴롭히고합니다. 나는 내 삶의 희망을 멀리하려고 할 수면이 변경 사항은 아직 진행 아니합니다.

내 생일이 곧 제공될 예정, 제 18합니다. 나는 늙어가합니다. 사망률은 내 문을 두드리며합니다. 무엇을 할 수합니까? 영원히 살 싶지 않아요. 난 단지 내 인생을 살고 싶어 이행합니다. 나는이 구절은 18 년 후에 다시 얻을 일어나는 경우, 리포트에 어떤 변화가있다면 광산 평범한 생활을합니다.

lsu도 그리 나쁜 선택은? 나도 알아, 난 단지로 갈 수있다 tulane 으면 좋겠어요, 쌀, 또는 몇몇 좋은 대학에,하지만 루트의 모든 악을 때문에 (돈), 나는 참석을 위해 강제로 lsu합니다. 갈 수 있었으면 좋겠어요 캘리포니아, 뉴욕시, 또는 궁시렁합니다. 얼마 전 다시 시작하고 싶은 나땜에, 당신은 그저 모르는합니다. 아 글쎄, 이것은 주말마다 lsu 재미해야한다. 이겼나를 희망한다.

나는 음악을 사랑합니다. 내 말이 그 모든 시간 그러나, 그것은 너무나 진실합니다. 나는 놀라운 가수합니다. 그냥 세계의 나머지 부분을 설득시켜야 나는, 하하. 나는 내 베트남어에 대한 자세한 내용을 연습이 필요합니다. 나 자신을 관리의 측면에서 생각한다 나의 문화, 아직도 난 내 아이들에게 그들의 조상을 이해하는 좋은 날.

거기 있나? 어디로? 이리 나를 발견합니다. 이 장소에서 날을 저장합니다. 판타지 될거야, 행복합니다.

-hp

...on my own....

It would be exciting wouldn't it? I suppose it would be lonely, but for the most part, fun.

is it me? it seems i'm always wrong, the one that suffers

So it's been a few days since that huge debacle...Reflecting upon it, there are things I regret saying. I wish I didn't say things just to hurt, but what choice did I have? It didn't seem to faze very much anyways. Is there anything you regret at all? You don't want to listen to me, your own brother? If you won't listen to your own family, who can you listen to? Timothy's family? Is this how the rest of our family is so distant? They mind their "own business?" Isn't your business mine too? Do you think I don't care? When you told me you had TB, I was so scared that I cried, something I try never to do. You seriously think I don't care? I'm only human. You are so wrapped up in telling me I'm always wrong that you don't even realize your own faults. Maybe if you weren't so damn stubborn like your mother you would take it constructively.

Have we fallen in too deep? Is this seriously how it ends? "Point of no return?" I don't know what to say to fix our dilemma at this point. You won't give, and neither will I. Dad doesn't know what the hell to do, or maybe he just doesn't care. He is too involved in Co Phung to deal with his children. Disappointment is just a summary.

As remorseful as I am, I'm not going to bend. That's just not me. If we never talk again, that would be truly sad, but let this be a lesson. You need your family. I don't know if I will come live with you. I can't have all this craziness to happen where I am supposed to think of as a haven. I already have enough regrets. I just don't know anything anymore.

...i never finish anything....

..in hopes it'll never end...

me? no...dun b ignorant...

OK OK I'll play your little game Kaylyn.. Pay it forward much?

"Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment ("You're It") and to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers!"

#1. The unknown both fears and excites me.

#2. I would give anything for another chance at life. I regret so much. Do I learn from it? No.

#3. I can't sleep wearing socks. It's not right. It's like torture. Right up there with flogging and watching Seinfeld.

#4. My gift of song is most beautiful when no one is around to hear. Sad, really..

#5. Music should be a language. It just emotes so much better. Escape from reality... What would I do without music? It's my muse... at least one of them...

#6. I daydream all day, everyday.... I suppose it's to make up for not having imaginative dreams, or dreams at all..

#7. Trust me, it's just bravado...I feel, too...

#8. Is it that weird I'm allergic to peanuts? No I don't swell up and explode, but trust me, I am. And no I wouldn't like it if I could eat it!!!

#9. I like to stand out from the rest, but I try even harder to just fit in....

#10. Are the best things in life free? Let's hope not..I want to earn it..I want to deserve it..

Who shall I tag? Well if you're reading this, go ahead. Do it.

..chuc mung nam moi?....ok....

So today is the new year...lunar-wise....yes the Chinese New Year you hear it referred to...bastards...

Rather uneventful really. I should have skipped and done something worthwhile. Year of the Rat...Sucks that I'm a horse and that means this year is not quite the most prosperous of years for me..

I have to present tomorrow at the International Club meeting about the New Year and how we celebrate it..But really do I know anything beyond the food, fireworks, and li xi? What's the culture behind it? What does it represent and mean to a person living in the motherland? My perspective of it gets shrouded in American customs to where I see a holiday as a chance for food and money..sad, really.

So it is the New Year, and with it should come commitments, resolutions.. Do I have any? No. Should I? Yes. A number of my friends have taken on a soft drink sacrifice. Sorry, I'm not strong enough, I need some sort of crutch. But I should prove to myself I'm strong enough to manage without something that's bad for me anyways..

"Sống lâu trăm tuổi.."