still around

Ya know, in person, I'd have alot to say. On paper, on screen, not so much. Writing just isn't my forte.

"..It was the best of times.."

"it was the -weirdest- of times.."

Today has certainly been an -interesting- day, filled with surprises, odd events, & hilarious work moments.

Waking up to start the day off was brutal. I might as well have slept in until work. It figures that like, half of the student body skipped to start off their Fatty Tuesday festivities.

In Med Civ we talked about Vikings & their crazy antics, fiefs and their homosexual subtext relationship. Then in seminar, I show up late to be greeted with free doughnuts. & while we're in pairs chronologically setting up the Bayeux Tapestry, the pair next to me accuses me of cheating. So I respond "don't make me pillage your village! & key your car!"

Upon arriving to Chinese, I see a canceled class slip on the door. I'm about to jump for joy when I read it & find out it's not my class getting canceled. Fuck. I walk in, & the desks are oddly arranged in a circle. Everyone, rather than fixing the desks, merely sit down around the circle. That's the lazy spirit. Unfortunately, the professor stood in the middle..coming close & standing in front of mine for the majority of the time. Joy.

Work...wow. My boss took off today so we were all generally just goofing off, talking, not doing anything productive. We discussed everything in the spectrum: me cursing my coworker out in Chinese, old people mistaking drunk for high & calling a baby cute, but colored, & of course Arlene & the infamous crackhead moment. Then the receptionist asks me to stay late when everyone is gone to man the phone lines. I was in the middle of a "fuck no" when she says I'll be paid double for it. "Fuck yeah." No one is -supposed- to be cutting work early, but the president & the rest of the board is skipping Monday to go golfing (the most predictable white thing to do) so the rest of the staff sure as hell is as well.

I ran errands today. On a certain errand, I look up the directory on which room to deliver a letter to, & when I get there & open the door, what do I see but a damn cleaning supply closet. Real fucking funny. On the way out of the building, the automatic sliding door kept freaking out on me, not letting me exit. I was kind of hesitant to open the emergency door as I have had -previous- experiences with that (TRANG!).

Now midterms are creeping up. Right after Mardi Gras week, bam.

Lots more really funny things happened, but I'm too lazy to write it down. Ask me sometime. Today is something that is highly remarkable, one that I won't be forgetting anytime soon. God, if today was something, I am damn glad I won't be in the state for MG.

"can we bring yesterday back around?"

I always compare my life to song lyrics. It feels more significant, meaningful that way. Does that sound stupid? Probably.

call it in the air

Let's flip a coin. Heads: I leave things the way they are. Tails: Complete do-over. Aw shit, it's a two-headed coin.

Weed out the unnecessary, the rubbish. What's more trouble than it's worth, to hell with it. WILL it get better in time? ....damn crutch term. You mean so much in 3 monosyllabic words.

I do love this weather. The cold. A breeze, perfection. Sure enough, we'll have another hot flash by January.

Thanksgiving at my back, Christmas at my feet. Time needs to stop. I need a breather. Just time to...sleep. Sleep, wake, eat, slack, & sleep once again. Rich people have the life.

Finals, finals, finals. Fuck, fuck, fuck. J'ai besoin etudier. 现在. Ngu.

word to the wise

It's not cold enough until you can see your breath

brrrrr rhymes with fur

BRRR! It's cold in here. I said there must be some (-shrug-) in the atmosphere.

Yeah...shorts on a winter-esque day. Not the smartest move.

in regards to my first...

How have you been? I'm fine. I think. Holding up well? I haven't talked to you in..wow..years. I don't plan on ever after this.

I think about you on occasion. I wonder if you still live there. If you're happy. If you're committed to another.

It's not that I miss you, but rather your presence. Things turned out so because of this. Because of you, because of me.

Did you trust me more than I you? I always had my doubts. Of course I was right. Now I wished I hadn't been. Too late...

Whatever the case, I wish you well.

You'll always be the first.

-hp

4 scores....divided by 4

OK THIS PROBABLY SOUNDS STUPID BUT...

In the quad there's a fountain. It's nice but not that extravagant. L'auberge's is nicer. But in front of the fountain there's a metal plaque embedded into the ground. It says something about what will remain in that spot in 2076. I didn't really stop much to observe & study it. But it got my mind reeling. What IS going to be there? Will it be underwater? Demolished? Paved over? Or just that way it is?

Now the likes of me being alive in 68 years is unlikely to me. I'll probably commit suicide at the sight of my first grey hair. So I'm making a plan. I wholeheartedly want to follow through with this. In 20 years from this day-- September 22, 2008 -- I want to come back to that spot. Though possibly nothing substantial would have changed I figure, I still want to come back & see what remains, what was erected, & what will become of it.

I'm going to try to take a panoramic picture of the quad from that spot & when I return I to compare to see the changes & what used to be. Hmm.

priorities

They change.

wait wait wait! okay, go!

So my next blog entry is supposed to be about moving to Baton Rouge & what I'm leaving behind. WORK IN PROGRESS. Haha by the time I'm finished with it, it wouldn't matter anymore, hence the Nationals entry. Anyways I figure something written is pretty productive.

How have I been? Roller coaster. Within 24 hours of moving to BR, my car was broken into & my new GPS was stolen. I felt unsafe & violated at first, but it's over with now. Lesson learned. Welcome to Baton Rouge. I kept getting comments that just made me feel even more down, except for one. Darius! Haha the first reply he gave me after he found out was what my car was doing at Southern University for. That really put a smile on my face. :)

Man things are moving fast. I have school soon. Not as soon as others I see. Mcneese, Southern, & ULM have already begun class. Aaron's in college before me! Man, old. I still have not gotten around to so many obligations that are dependent on me. Fuck. I need to find a job, finish the LSU paperwork, get a parking pass, get up to date on my immunizations, & plan out my California trip. Damn procrastination!

I'm really getting into the college spirit now. Buying my books was the initial step. As expensive as they were, (& they were!) I have nothing but optimism for August 25th.

I miss...alot. I miss my friends. I miss knowing my way around town. I miss..well never mind. It'll all be water under the bridge right? But then I guess there's no escaping it. (As we've all learned from Katrina.)

Thank you! For what? Who cares? Thank you for doing what you do so well. Sorry, I'm tired. I think the lethargy is hitting me right now.

PS! Hyori's new single is the fucking shit!

oh, bother

'Tis troublesome.

Don't be wasteful now.

Oh, bother. Why bother?

middle of nowhere

2:30 AM. I drove around town mindlessly. Left or right? It really doesn’t matter. Left it is. Oh, I’ve never seen that before; probably never see it again. I wonder what’ll be there in 10 years. Late at night, Lake Charles is a ghost town. Ever watch “I AM LEGEND”? It popped in my head as I was tearing up the roads in my earth-destroyer. I had no idea where I was going or why. The point was that I just didn’t want to face….the end of the road. Another chapter in my book written. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not.

wash away my problems

"OUT DAMN'D SPOT!" Go ahead. Scrub. It won't make a difference.


The water from the showerhead spikes into me, each drop a dagger. The water's so hot it burns like the scarlet letter. Change of pace. Down goes the dial. Make the aqua so cold it numbs my soul.

Okay, I'm a prune now. Soap, you betrayed me. How can I be clean when i feel so dirty? Pull the plug. The secrets don't go down the drain...they float up and haunt me.

Guilt. Shame. Jealousy. Deception.

How could I breathe? I would've drowned long ago with all this thrown at me.

I'm only one person. How can I move a mountain? Blink, and I'll be gone.

I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry. Ignorance is bliss? Fuck.

....just take a deep breath.......

What is there to say anymore? Situations present itself where pretending it's not happening just ain't gonna cut it. Action must be taken. Don't stand there and wait for it to blow over. Do something, anything. Tears? What the fuck does that help? This is what's real. The real world isn't all sunshine and flowers. Grow up. Pop that bubble that you're just so comfy hiding in. Better you handle it now before something happens where it's too tragic and devastating to brace for.

A lot can be said about my methods of action. I'm not even sure why I do what I do at times. I didn't see it coming. I really didn't. Surprise doesn't even describe it. What can I do? What is there to say? It's always left up to me to handle everything. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. How true.

Pourquoi n'ai-je pas s'attendre à cela? Juste une ventilation en cours d'élaboration. Il ne manque jamais de les décevoir. Je mets en tant de travail et le dévouement, et, en retour, un coup de poignard dans le dos, une gifle au visage. Comment pouvez-vous faire de ces hypothèses? Ce serait un mensonge de dire qu'il n'a pas mal. Et encore, je l'ai fait. Et je vais mettre sur mon visage courageux que je viens de l'amour de se cacher derrière. Si vous deviez vraiment arriver à me connaître, vous pouvez voir qu'il s'agissait d'un pathétique devant l'attention. Ok, je suis jaloux. Est-ce ce qui doit être dit? Semble. Mais qu'est-ce que vous soins? Jamais la peine de voir ce que je ressens. J'essaie, je consacrer. Shrug off ma tentative de manière froidement? Il s'agit là d'une erreur. Rien mais les utilisateurs. Cela ne peut pas être bon. Si j'ai besoin de dire quelque chose, à quoi ça sert? Il vous jamais changer, peu importe à quel point je Huff & Puff. Bite the Bullet? Vas te faire encule.

Go ahead, live in lala land. In time, all will be revealed. I stay quiet about so much, yet only so much can be held. I'm leaving anyways, what does it matter?