i don't even know you

Today's a horrible day. I just want to crawl back into bed & wish it never happened. I feel like I've lost faith in my fellow man. I want to cry, but it'd be a waste of tears.

wishing you a merry..well just wishing you an xmas

It's that time of year again, when the stockings are hung, jolly tunes are sung, and joy is infectious. But is it? This year, it seems so humbug to me. I'm not in that united Christmas spirit, I just feel like it's another day, one I'm not bored in class or stuck at work.

With all the religious aspects of it, I find myself turning away from it. Timothy's mom sent me a card with cash in it, but when I read the contents, I just put the money back in and sealed the envelope. The money's tainted now. Why push your beliefs on me? How disrespectful is that? I'm not lost, or confused. I just choose not to follow any certain religion. Not to say I don't believe in anything, I just don't practice. Who is to say your idea is the right one anyway? Okay, getting off topic here.

I must be Scrooge. I need a few ghosts to come and show me what I'm lacking, why my heart isn't filled with warmth this year. But come to think, I can recall an unfulfilled promise I made earlier, one that tears me up inside. I'm sorry, you. I failed.

get right

So I've been told my expectations of those around me are set too high, for high expectations will only lead to disappointment. Though at first I pondered that it may be true of me, but then I had a thought. I only expect from those, what I myself am capable and more than willing to do. So why is it too much to expect this of them? Why can't I get in return what I so well give? Is it so hard to find someone dependable?

It's really just too exhausting to put up with. I'm disappointed. But I won't be spiteful now and throw it back, or else I'd be shafted down on that level as well, & then how can I morally put up with that?

Look, it's not like I mean to be a jerk, pick fights, or make anyone mad & hate me. I only act in a manner I feel most protective to me. If I do something that bothers you, I'm sorry. Really. I'm told I should check myself, but who would I be, if I didn't act in a way that's purely..me?

Let's call this a learned lesson & move on. Because I'm tired of being mad..

why so?

I hate this. Times have surely changed. And there's no helping it. But you're right. It IS time to move on. Time to leave the past behind. Stick with those still worth being around. Scrap the unnecessary. I don't know. If only I used it as a crutch term this time...

Is it me? I mean, it can't be everyone else. So it must be me. I'm the one that can't go with the flow. But then again, that's nature, that things change. Pause a moment in time, so I can cherish it once more. "Just one more time, baby, just one more time."

this life i know...

I can't breathe anymore, too overwhelming. I want it to be over with, everything to end.

As another day passes, every aspect of my life slowly deteriorates, some faster than others. Education, friends, family...love. What am I saying? I don't even -have- that to lose it.

Coming in with best intentions to relax, get matters resolved, & have fun, I came out worse than when I started. Things never get better. Merely worse.

Tears solve nothing. It won't pass the astronomy quiz, it won't get me a shoulder to lean on, it won't...put a roof over my head.

Options, slim to none. I can't move there again. It'd be..a step BACK in life. Do I have to endure? Beg? No. Never

I hate this life. I hate everyday. Sống đang được giá trị nó nữa?