utada's off by 4 years

So this is my exodus. Grand? Extravagant? Larger than life? Nope. Quite the contrary. Something that I do find comparable is that it's hard to believe. No more high school. When will it hit? I'm guessing when I have to huddle in a huge auditorium-z's still in my eyes-with about 500 other freshman, none of which I know. How cheesy it is to be told to treasure today, for it will never happen again. Unfortunately, it's absolutely true.

Four years of my life printed on a blue piece of paper to represent my accomplishment. Also a miniature laminated card for portability proof. How odd. I have been through countless experiences that have molded me into who I am today. Some bad, some good. All memorable.

So Mrs. Fraser says that I'll never see my whole class together EVER again. That's rather depressing actually. Some will be missed. Some won't. Some more than others. But that's life, right?

Throw your caps to the sky. I didn't really throw my grad cap. Maybe like 5 inches in the air. Does that mean something? That I can't bear to get rid of my past, my attachment to this comfort zone? I got attacked by someone's cap though. Fucking ninja-starred it at me.

Done. Fin. Kaput. Time to move on. TRY.

nothing's ending, more opportunities are created

Okay, so my high school year is ending with pomp & circumstance. But what is really being lost? I still have everything I want. I have great, dependable friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. My family, however dilapidated, will always be there for me in any time of need. I have a brick that will stand the test of time on a wall of academic achievement. I need to keep telling myself this.

Am I happy? Do I have any attachment to this country, lame-ass city? If I left tomorrow, would there be any remorse? Don't answer these questions, we both know the answer. I promised I wouldn't do this. Damn. "Man I can't wait to leave. I'm not gonna miss crap here." I've gotten too comfortable. Why can't I keep the old and embrace the new? Maybe it'll work this time. Sure it hasn't worked anytime before, but how about another shot? So many friendships becoming a thing of the past. You'd be surprised how distance has an impact on any bond.

In contrast, what is to come can only be uphill. Get a new job, new school, new environment, new friends. Whatever you have to tell yourself.

The future, unpredictable as it may be, is something I can't wait to enter.

I AM

I WANT (within my means)
I FEEL (enough to be emo)
I SING (obsessively)
I URGE (for my way)
I NEED (more than I can get)
I HATE (người mê)
I ENVY (you)
I REGRET (too much in one lifetime)
I CRY (even when tears go dry)
I THINK (therefore I am)
I YELL (to be heard)
I MAKE (a mess)
I PUMP (IT UP!)
I DESIRE (more)
I DEMAND (equality, on my part at least)
I WORK (for monies)
I LIE (with Jiminy's back turned)
I WATCH (lots & lots of TV)
I ASK (dae?)
I SLACK (to my detest)
I KEEP (secrets I shouldn't have)
I CHANCE (on losing to brace myself)
I LUST (privately)
I IGNORE (though ignorance is stupid)
I BREATHE (the polluted air)
I FORGET (what's most important)
I LOVE (with all my heart)
I KNOW (I'm only mortal)
I FORGIVE (but not easily)
I DESPISE (physics)
I BRAG (but it's bravado)
I HURT (just like everyone else)
I PROCRASTINATE (so it'll never end)
I CAN (so why don't I?)
I CAN'T (fly; damn Air Korea!)
I HIDE (how I really feel)
I PROMISE (because you put your trust in me)
I LOOK (and sometimes touch hehe)
I SNORE (when I'm wide awake)
I LEARN (something new everyday)
I SCARE (in months other than October)
I DANCE (badly)
I AVOID (the treadmill)
I WAIT (very impatiently)
I EAT (in AP LUNCH!)
I STUDY (π)
I BUY (impulsively)
I DRIVE (like a typical Asian)
I STEAL (okra)
I FIGHT (to prove I'm not weak)
I GIVE (more than I ever receive)
I TAKE (what's rightfully mine)
I CONFRONT (headon with determination)
I SLEEP (in hope's tomorrow's a better day)
I FLIRT (not to all the wrong people)
I BITE (more than I can chew)
I IMAGINE (what is put into action)
I TOUCH (everything I see; some sniff)
I ARGUE (because I'm never wrong)
I INSIST (so just live with it)
I ASPIRE (to be happy)
I CHEAT (with TI. TI = GOLD)
I GO (somewhere I've never been before)
I DIE (more and more everyday)
I BITCH (to anyone who listens)
I PAY (the piper)
I DEFINE (who I am)
I JUDGE (and vice versa)
I DRAW (stick people)
I WALK (one step at a time)
I WAKE (with one eye open)
I SCREAM (to inanimate objects)
I PRAY (when things get really tough)
I SPEAK (assertively, I'm told)
I PLAY (sometimes by myself)
I THANK (you for reading this randomness)
I READ (closed captioning)
I DREAM (by day and night)
I ACT (a fool)
I VENT (so I don't explode in the wrong situations)
I WISH (upon stars, clocks, candles, coins)
I DO

spill the beans

secret - something kept hidden or unexplained....damn straight. Sure the term goes "Ignorance is bliss," but please. 21st century here.

Mother Nature is Pissed

Earthquake in China, cyclone in Myanmar (Burma), volcano eruption in Chili, forest fires...everywhere. Is there a message coming with these events? Am I supposed to be getting something? It's truly sad to see one suffer, but to look at tragedy and not be so shocked is just astounding...or is it? Watch CNN, and there'll probably be a report that some random person died in combat in Iraq today. Who really cares anymore? That's just it. No one really cares. I don't bat an eye to hear such news. Okay, so it is sad, but it certainly didn't have as much dismay as it used to. How do I feel about these recent nature-related events? Of course I feel bad for them. What can I do? Apathy rears its ugly head on the unsuspecting.

in the course of a sunday

myanmar cyclone, 42 cent stamp, mary poppins, mall of america, fish face dim sum, fafsa, invitations, pictures, spoken mother's day card, bei jing

All without leaving the house.

lost in your eyes

Blink, if only for a moment. Let me capture a glance of the lucious pools of chocolate.

sunshine poking through the clouds

Today wasn't such a bad day, overall. Finished my second and final AP exam. Sure writing three fucking essays straight in two hours was a bitch, but it wasn't as mind-numbing as expected. Had a good recovery with Mrs. Romero's treat to her dedicated AP students (and Garrett) in the form of a rather tasty lunch as compared to my usual nothing though I still can beast AP Lunch! Then off to Calculus with Bacon where last minute insight into the elusive bricks were revealed. Afterwards, back to Romero, but instead of the usual boring lesson, fun occurred.

future at my feet, past to my back

So one AP test down, one to go. Sure it was hard, but nowadays I'm expecting it. Not to say I'm prepared for it, but that's that. Okay, let's take a little nap. Wake up at 5:00 AM to study that prep book. Sounds good. -wake- 6:30? WTF!? Five more minutes, then the day will REALLY begin. What happened to stability? So abstract.

Related rates? Area between two curves? Newton's method? Sounds fun. Now I develop an idea of spatial reasoning. A little too late. Calc AP test wasn't too draining. I rather enjoyed it. Except for the failing part. Not too fond of that. English Literature. What a joke. Three fucking essays straight. Ode to jack shit. Sorry. Poetry is not my forté.

The more I think about it, the more that time machine sounds enticing. Repeat high school? Damn, why not just round it off to birth? So many mistakes to fix. Any regrets? Sure. Those who don't, well, screw you.

Okay, make a wish on the straight-digit clock. What was it? A good one? World peace? Aw, you lie! It was for money, huh? Strange how a piece of paper decides one's fate. Greed, deception, & betrayal: outcomes of monetary desire. Sure I make a wish for money, but not for personal, selfish crap. I want it so more important things can be focused on. Morals, values. So obstructed.

Speaking of which, if an injustice is witnessed, what should be done? Speak up? What if it's just none of your business? "Mind your own business." I only wanted to help.

In two year's time, it's Houston or bust. Why? Honestly? No idea. Sum it up to more opportunities. Another fresh start. Look back and learn from the past to prevent it in the future.

nếu người điên yêu... rồi tôi phải điên

with age comes wisdom

What have I done to be remembered? Stand out from the rest. Make an impact for the betterment of society.





What have I accomplished at this point? What do I have to show for it? No $100,000 scholarship. No renown college acceptance in Massachusetts, California, or New York. Bum Fuck LA.





I look around, and I feel so alone. Even in the middle, no one is by my side. Who can I embrace, confide in?





Am I too mean? Is that my portrayal? Despite your comments, no, my bravado isn't the real me.