what time is it now?

I remember my sister told me her boss' wife cried upon hearing the news of Michael Jackson's death. She even went on forums to discuss it. Apparently she idolized him growing up. I didn't get it. It's not like you knew him, like you met him, or he sat at your dinner table. I get it now. I get the pain, the hollowness, the lack of closure. Yes, I do obsess. But I'm not alone. I'm only one of many. Here, up north, across the ocean, spanning the world. And we're all devastated. It's been like a dream. You never know what you had till it's gone. How much you actually cared.


I can't believe what an attachment I've built. Looking back, I sometimes wish I never jumped into this world, so I'd never have to face the dark, "scandalous" hardships that seemed to hurt us all.

I don't know who's scarier, sasaengs or antis. Both should not be underestimated, nor crossed. OT7's lives are in their hands. How are the members feeling? Which were genuine the whole time? 10 out of 10.

Who's to blame in all this? Leadja? JYPE? Fate? I'm getting a headache. And the rumors. That's the worst. Who comes up with such heinous stories, looking just to gain gossip power. I Hate You. As a bold aggressive forward passionate person I believe myself to be, when faced with this, the responses, the arguments, the opinions, I..backed down. I didn't want to say any negative words, I didn't want to point the finger, I didn't want to get riled up. Lost.


I know what I want. I want it back. All of it. But I'm a realist. I know what can & cannot be. So I want what 박재범 wants. He comes out, says he wants to be done with it, fine. I, we, they will support that. But otherwise, we wait. I'm tired too. I've already said Again & Again I'd give it up, but I keep checking in. I'm too attached. I need to move on. The world still spins. But it feels empty now. It feels fake. (Are you fake? Have you been this whole time? Right before my eyes.)



So what time is it now? 1:59PM.

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I had this left open since the events transpired, but only now have I committed to putting my thoughts on "paper" to see how I'm feeling.