....when worst comes to worst....

"As high as a Category 5, you say. Eh, we'll be fine."

I think I'm the only sane person left in this house. In this family. My sister refuses to leave. And while I understand about how duty to her patients, she won't even call her school to verify the status of her requirement to attend. "They're going to email me Monday." The hurricane is already going to be here you stupid bitch. What if we don't have power to check fucking emails? We've been arguing a lot over this. But her reply is always the same. "If you want to go, then leave."

I've been confused as to why I haven't left either. Looking out for No. 1? I....can't...leave. I can't leave her. I can't do it myself. Where would I go? This is the first time I've really had to make a decision as an adult. My decision? Well I haven't left yet, have I?

I was hurt. And I wanted to spread that. I told her that one of us needs to die so she will finally learn her lesson. We got into a huge argument & I said "I know which one of us I want to die." I regret saying that. But I'm not going to apologize. Never.

My parents are no help. They blindly follow whatever my sister says. I swear I'm the black sheep. I hope my dad will be okay. Fuck my mom, she's in Houston. She good. Stupid L'auberge. Calcasieu has a mandatory evacuation. And yet you still have not dismissed you employees yet? How are you going to operate without guests to play in your casino or sleep in your hotel? Even if he gets off, where is he going to go? Fuck, I hate Louisiana. I called him last night to try to talk to my sister. His dumb ass says Baton Rouge will be fine because it's always been fine. He's not one to believe the "what-ifs." I told him that was the stupidest thing anyone could have ever said. And that he was stupid. *hang up*

Then...I cried. Nothing to do. Nowhere to turn. No ideas. No backup plans. All I was left with was tears.

I'm worried. I tried to just ignore it, but reality is, a storm's brewing. Destination: Louisiana. This is real. Real bad. What's my outcome? I may be over dramatic, but...I'm actually scared for my life.

in my eyes pt. 1

"Dis water got more body den ME!"

Assembly. Fuck. Wake up at 7 in the morning after at most four hours of sleep. Drive in traffic infested Baton Rouge to LSU where there are fucking gates at every turn. Ugh, it's getting late so let's just park in the visitor's center. Walk, walk, walk. Where the fuck is it? Damn campus. Over 2000 acres. My feet thank me. Okay, I officially don't know where to go. Hey! A group. Oh well, follow them. It works. Get into a big assembly center. Maybe 3,000 people in here, & I have no idea who any of them are. I feel so alone. Let's just sit in this closed off section. Hmm, Pakastani speaker from England. Interesting. Start dozing off though. Random quote. "A-holes are everywhere." The author (artist. Good one Kaylyn!) is coming to speak in April. I can't wait to see her. Her book is very good. Lots of insight on the Middle East in comparison to USA. I met a Viet/Chinese guy from Lafitte though. I tried, happy?

One speaker said this book was a memoir of Marjane Satrapi's. In 2028, us general freshman will be the same age as her when she wrote Persepolis. Will we have a memoir? Will it ever exist? And even if it does, who will care about it. At least one. Us. She suggested to everday of your college years to document anything worth mentioning that you accomplished today. Anything in your day worth mentioning. That intrigues me. I might try it. I do want to write a book someday. A memoir of sorts I suppose. But I hate writing. But how else will people ever know I existed? That I felt. Blah, hippie shit.

Take pictures. Lots & lots. I want to see how your lives are going. A picture is worth 1000 words. I love taking pictures. Documenting where I've been. What I've done.

Man getting lost is easy. And it's so hot. I can't wait until winter. I love winter. Though the weather always makes me feel empty & incomplete? Sound crazy? Possibly. I walked around with a huge map in my face. I suppose people pitied me & tried to help. Pointed me in the wrong direction though. Fucker. Long lines everywhere! So not worth it.

If you thought The Fresh Market was nice, Whole Foods is even more extravagent. Even live music. Gelato section. No sushi section though. Major deduction. Water! Haha Kaylyn that moment was GOLDEN! Only you would get laughed at for being compared to a water bottle.

Class starts Monday. Am I prepared? Emotionally? No. Not at all. I miss my old life. I miss my friends. Them the most. I hope I'm missed too. This is what it takes for you to realize what you really value in your life.

productive is nice, yet procrastinate is just sooo much more enticing

So many things to do before college is in session. Most of them should have been done already. Damn. I just finished this mandatory alcohol education course online. Passing it was required of at least 80%. I got 80%. Whew, close. Has some interesting information about drugs, alcohol, stress, & such issues dealt with in everyday life. Oh yeah, sexual health. ;}.

I'm exercising now. Go figure. & eating salads. New Harrison? Scary.

So I got my TOPS stipend back. Total: $18.30. Hmmm... I'M PISSED AS FUCK! Supposed to be $800. Just how many fees are there? *sigh* That's the government for you.

Getting lost? Sure thing.

wait wait wait! okay, go!

So my next blog entry is supposed to be about moving to Baton Rouge & what I'm leaving behind. WORK IN PROGRESS. Haha by the time I'm finished with it, it wouldn't matter anymore, hence the Nationals entry. Anyways I figure something written is pretty productive.

How have I been? Roller coaster. Within 24 hours of moving to BR, my car was broken into & my new GPS was stolen. I felt unsafe & violated at first, but it's over with now. Lesson learned. Welcome to Baton Rouge. I kept getting comments that just made me feel even more down, except for one. Darius! Haha the first reply he gave me after he found out was what my car was doing at Southern University for. That really put a smile on my face. :)

Man things are moving fast. I have school soon. Not as soon as others I see. Mcneese, Southern, & ULM have already begun class. Aaron's in college before me! Man, old. I still have not gotten around to so many obligations that are dependent on me. Fuck. I need to find a job, finish the LSU paperwork, get a parking pass, get up to date on my immunizations, & plan out my California trip. Damn procrastination!

I'm really getting into the college spirit now. Buying my books was the initial step. As expensive as they were, (& they were!) I have nothing but optimism for August 25th.

I miss...alot. I miss my friends. I miss knowing my way around town. I miss..well never mind. It'll all be water under the bridge right? But then I guess there's no escaping it. (As we've all learned from Katrina.)

Thank you! For what? Who cares? Thank you for doing what you do so well. Sorry, I'm tired. I think the lethargy is hitting me right now.

PS! Hyori's new single is the fucking shit!

oh, bother

'Tis troublesome.

Don't be wasteful now.

Oh, bother. Why bother?

father son bonding

-Where are you going? It’s like, midnight.
-I’m going to the old apartment.
-Lie.
-What would I lie to you for?
-I don’t know then. Why do you?
-I’m your father. I don’t have any reason to lie to you.
-But you do.
-Like when?
-Oh please! Do you really want me to list the times!?
-I’m YOUR father!! I don’t have to answer to YOU!
-Shut up. Get out of my face. I don’t want to see you.
*door slam*
That’s how my father & I bond.

bring it stormy

Go ahead, finish off what I have left here. This chapter of my life is officially over.