frazzled

My computer crashed about a week ago, everything gone. I try not to think about what I've all lost, because it gives me a headache, no really, I get dizzy. I try to look forward. Except for those WG pictures, I freaked out until I realized I still had them on my camera. Thinking back to that, I feel..awkward. Actions & consequences? (7-1=0)

What have I been doing all break? I'm not sure. Random things, & at the same time, nothing. And now school is creeping up, fuck. Though I've been on campus all break anyway, so it's not a complete transition. I always long for days with no agenda, but when I get them, I feel unaccomplished.

I'm still so pissed at my computer. But I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Restore points! Must remember!!

wishing you a merry..well just wishing you an xmas

It's that time of year again, when the stockings are hung, jolly tunes are sung, and joy is infectious. But is it? This year, it seems so humbug to me. I'm not in that united Christmas spirit, I just feel like it's another day, one I'm not bored in class or stuck at work.

With all the religious aspects of it, I find myself turning away from it. Timothy's mom sent me a card with cash in it, but when I read the contents, I just put the money back in and sealed the envelope. The money's tainted now. Why push your beliefs on me? How disrespectful is that? I'm not lost, or confused. I just choose not to follow any certain religion. Not to say I don't believe in anything, I just don't practice. Who is to say your idea is the right one anyway? Okay, getting off topic here.

I must be Scrooge. I need a few ghosts to come and show me what I'm lacking, why my heart isn't filled with warmth this year. But come to think, I can recall an unfulfilled promise I made earlier, one that tears me up inside. I'm sorry, you. I failed.

twinkle

This is weird, but you know those people whose eyes just express any emotion they have? I love that. It tells so much without words spoken.

I also like people who have a great smile, a genuine one, not a fake shallow one.

So yeah, that's my random quirk of the day.

i'm over it, no, really, it's done with.

Finals, both a blessing and torture. I hope everyone is studying more than me, that being waiting until the night before to pretty much crack the book, sacrificing sleep and sanity.

just tap 3 times

May ngay nay toi da thay may nguoi vong day dang...ngu thiet. Tai sao toi muon quan he voi dam nay? Boi vi toi khong duoc gap clique viet? Trach nhu vay. May chuyen nay toi ghet thiet. Di theo vong may nguoi nay lam tao ghet no.

I think I miss how it used to be, but do I really? Ngay xua khi cho nay chi la cho toi thoi.

All this bad stuff keeps happening. Not really to me, yet I take it so personal. I don't even have a hand in it, but I'm investing alot of attention into it.

I miss her. Only today when watching the presedential address about the pull from the Middle East did it really hit me. She's really there, serving her country. As much as she hates it, I really respect her, that's a noble thing. Will I do anything to benefit my country?

Am I thankful for anything for anything this year? I'm thankful for..the kindness of strangers. And not even to me. I was reading this news article about a woman who accidently called the wrong number, thinking she reached her daughter, telling her that she sent her daughter money for food even though that meant missing a mortgage payment. The stranger was touched by it, called that mother back, and said she would pay for the mortgage and her daughter's groceries. I mean I guess that might not seem so significant, but it makes me put faith in humanity. I hope I can help someone like that someday.

I've been reading more lately. Losing myself in a fictional world. What am I hoping to do? Hide from my real world problems of course. Damn stories, it's as easy as that eh?

Speaking of eh, I just found out my professor is Canadian. I told him that explains so much jokingly, and he responded with "Doesn't it, -eh-?" Totally my humor. It sucks I'm only getting to know this at the end of the semester. Goddamn am I ready to be done with this semester, though I doubt next will be any better. Harder classes, different classes, fuck.

Yeah, back to then. That'd be nice. Toi mong tro lai ngay xua.

la dee da

I'm at work now, but I'd rather write a post than actually do what I'm paid for. I actually haven't really invested much effort into anything lately, I'm do apathetic about everything, which I know will bring really bad consequences.

I guess one thing I've been keeping up with is music, though I guess that's just a hobby. I keep listening to ballads lately. Alot of Vietnamese songs are actually about sadness, so I wonder what that says about our culture. The pain of emotions, to put in lyrics and convey it is something special.

Okay: the future. What am I going to do tomorrow? Next month? Next year? I keep thinking about where my life is going, and what I can do at this point in time. But all I'm thinking about now is going home & taking a nap. Typical.

well, on the other hand

Halloween is done, & I've seen some pretty comical costumes. I didn't dress up as anything, but now I kinda wish I had.

This has got me thinking. Villains. We all hate villains, right? With every hero comes a villain who's only objective seems to bring the downfall of the cherished do-gooder.

If I had to pick, I think I'd rather be the bad guy. People like to like the good guys, but they love to hate the bad guys. It draws you in, wondering what a villain will do next.

Anyway, I'm just at working, not working as usual. That's evil, right?

still around

Ya know, in person, I'd have alot to say. On paper, on screen, not so much. Writing just isn't my forte.

..≠..

If everyone is destined for something, everyone has a passion in life, well..what's mine? What am I destined for? What am I meant to be, to do?

So I'm sitting in this meeting for a club I'm not even in, & they start talking. They seem really engaged in what they do, talking about graduate school, and what kind of future it'll provide for them. So then I think about it, and how that relates to me. Am I passionate in what I do? Do I strive to excel in it? Do I know where it'll take me?

No. Nothing. Zip.

Math..I don't hate hate it. I can tolerate it. On a certain level I do like it. But I've reached my peak. I find myself not being able to put my heart in it. And I can't make a life of something I don't -want- to be doing. Where's there to go in math anyway? Standing in front of a chalkboard doing math problems? No.

My sister keeps telling me to do engineering, & the benefits are favorable. There's just enough math, but not -only- math. They make BANK. There's lots of opportunites out there for an engineer, the career fair had loads of companies looking for engineers. So the cons..I don't have one. Not one! The only thing I can think of is the building's far, and that's a shitty excuse. So why isn't it appealing me?! Oh yeah, it's alot of hard work, more work I'm afraid I won't be able to commit to.

I'll give math a last ride, talk to advisors, see if my opinion for it changes. But the thought of chalk in my hands for a living, that's just not me.

i love part deux

~Google map's 3d feature thing
~engadget
~post its
~huli
~eating while watching food network
~that someone actually made a bronze statue of the shoe that was thrown at Bush
~bejeweled
~google translate

~5 gum commercials
~jansport booksacks, they know their shit
~Lucy. Anytime of day, I'll always be in the mood to watch that show

~yawning & stretching..it feels amazingggg

~karma..ahh nothing like getting your just desserts

~"stuff asian people like"
~oscar going beserk of a dog on tv
~that 70s show..the mom, hilarious

~the internet...3 things i check everyday: fb, porn, & wikipedia (oh yeah, i love wikipedia as well)
~Dat Phan..damn him, he's funny
~reggaeton.. -that- is the jam

~cramster.com
~dice-shaped beads
~hammocks

~ordering eggs over-easy..it's not even my favorite form of egg, but it's fun being the difficult one

~converse shoes, as bad arch support they are
~meat..yes, i know, that's what she said.
~225 magazine
~youtube hd
~hot chocolate on a cold day

~ratemyprof
~Nefarious purposes
~orange soda..not as close as Kel, though
~Peter’s endless fight with the chicken
~Merely clicking “L” for Louisiana
~fml..makes me feel better about my own
~Microsoft onenote
~phallic symbols
~Anthony Bourdain & Andrew Zimmern..for different aspects, though.
~Velcro
~the microwave ~“A Modest Proposal”
~Playing the drum with my hands
~Cheez-its