bị ngăn cấm quả

Well this is new. Never have I not been able to get something I want. Plan of tatics? I suppose kicking and screaming is out of the question. *sigh* Those were the simpler days. Time is taking its toll on me. I feel things that I really shouldn't be. Lòng khao khát, sự ganh tị, lòng ghen tị, sự ao ước. How can I be stupid enough to fall for this? Harrison, you dumb fuck. Can I even face sự loại trừ? Too humiliating. And Harrison Taylor Phan is not one to have anyone get the upper hand. Never.

Why am I mad? Why should I care? I say I don't, but I really do. I shrug it off, thinking that it's a lost cause. And it really is. Too much baggage. I hate myself. I just have to get it out though. I'll never be able to live with myself unitl I can finally speak it. My own sense of closure.

But it's okay. Soon Baton Rouge will be your new home. Out of sight, out of mind. Has this logic ever worked? Will it now? Please do. I have no other alternative.

I love….

• Late night infomercials
• Free food
• Calculators
• Barnes & Noble
• Casinos
• rain
• Video games, not that I even play them anymore
• Movies that make me think, laugh, cry
• Childhood cartoons
• Cities
• Photography
• Driving
• Upbeat music
• Astronomy (don’t say it)
• The first day of school
• The last day of school
• Waking up with no agenda
• Showers in the afternoon
• Taking in the “sights”
• Inside jokes
• Watches
• Apple computers
• the cool side of the pillow
• Texting
• “going to Dallas”
• A good mystery
• Mosaics
• Midnight trips to Walmart
• Snow (though I’ve yet to see any here)
• Flying in airplanes
• wikipedia
• Dramas
• The smell of coffee
• The Titanic
• Malls
• Oscar & Vienna
• Catfights
• Happy endings
• Mp3 players
• Daydreaming (the only ones I can remember!)
• Mail with my name hand-written
• The Asian mindset
• Presents!
• Spider Solitaire
• Ebonics
• Racial slurs (asian ones, however, are just tasteless)
• Tbc…

middle of nowhere

2:30 AM. I drove around town mindlessly. Left or right? It really doesn’t matter. Left it is. Oh, I’ve never seen that before; probably never see it again. I wonder what’ll be there in 10 years. Late at night, Lake Charles is a ghost town. Ever watch “I AM LEGEND”? It popped in my head as I was tearing up the roads in my earth-destroyer. I had no idea where I was going or why. The point was that I just didn’t want to face….the end of the road. Another chapter in my book written. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not.